Dear Employees,

In my daily experience as a receptionist for your company, I’ve learned many things about all of you. As a result of this experience, I have compiled this list of tips and reminders. Please read this and take these suggestions to heart. I’m sure you will assume these are directed to all of your coworkers, as I couldn’t possibly addressing you, but I assure you, the exceptions are few and far between. I highly doubt you are one of the few, so please pay attention.

1. Having a degree does not make you smart. Nor does it entitle you to anything. It simply makes you more educated.
2. The receptionist is not your personal secretary. If the company did not see fit to supply you with a secretary, this is likely because you are not important enough. You get to make your own phone calls, and pages, and I will not do them for you. This is especially true if YOU are someone else’s secretary. Doing your job is not in my job description.
3. A little kindness goes a long way. Many people are incredibly rude, and then ask me to do something for them. I can assure you, this is not the best way to go. Those who are not nice find their packages come late, and their messages may not come at all.
4. It is not your right to alter my job description if you do not sign my paychecks. I do not answer to you. Therefore, every demand you make of me is merely a request and will be treated as such by me. You would do well to do the same. See #3.
5. You are not above me. I know where my place is here, it is you who seems to be confused as to your ranking in this building. I know what you do. I have more responsibilities than many of you, and receive less pay for it. This does not make you better than me. Even if you do not fall into the previous category, and you do happen to be above me, how you treat the people who are below you in the hierarchy speaks volumes into the quality of your character.
6. Everyone has bad days. If you are having a bad day, do not take it out on me. I didn’t cause it, and I cannot fix it. I have bad days of my own. I am human, and cannot be expected to be sunshine and roses every single day.
7. Just because I answer the phone doesn’t mean I have all the answers. I’m allowed to not know the answers to your questions. If you do not allow me to transfer you to someone who DOES have the answers, the fault is your own.
8. If I call you to pick up a package, or other delivery, come pick it up. I should not have to leave multiple messages for one package. We’re adults here, and I assume you do not need a babysitter.

This list should in no way be considered comprehensive. Thank you for cooperation in this matter.
Sincerely,

The Receptionist

P.S. I have Caller I.D. I know who you are, and I know you are, in fact, sitting at your own desk.