I’ve mentioned a few times that I’m trying to get my finances in order. I’m on the “Dave Ramsey plan” which means there’s exactly zero wiggle room in my budget. (If you’re not familiar with Dave Ramsey, you can check him out at DaveRamsey.com.) It seems like as soon as I made the decision that I’d had enough of this debt, and paycheck to paycheck thing, things aligned to test my commitment.

One of my big weaknesses is movies… buying DVDs. Within the last month that I’ve been on my budget there have been many DVDs released that I really wanted to buy, including TWO Disney movies. Aristocats and 101 Dalmations. Those are the ones that are killing me not to be able to buy. I’m trying to convince myself that they’ll still be there when I get my finances are in order. So far, I’m holding strong. Of course, having taken a realistic look at my finances for the first time in ages makes it really easy to say no cause I can REALLY see that the money just is NOT there. I used to buy everything on credit and make payments later, and it was just too easy to justify purchases I couldn’t afford. Cutting off my access to my credit has taken the decision out of my hands. Doesn’t make it any easier to swallow not being able to buy anything “fun” though!

I didn’t mean to let yesterday slip past me without a post… it just happened! I was busy doing other things while I was at work, and then when I got home, I had to fill out a “talent performance summary sheet” for work. So I worked on that for awhile, got dinner, and then it was time to church. When I got home, I watched the American Idol results and finished my summary sheet and went to bed!

Now I’m at work, and I’m thinking about the need to be a little more thick skinned. I don’t think it’s ever beneficial to cry at work, especially when your higher ups (and most of your coworkers) are male, but that hasn’t prevented me from doing so on a few occasions. It doesn’t help that I have a tendency to cry when I’m mad. But my big issue is that I take everything so danged personally, and I don’t know how to stop. I have a hard time accepting criticism, constructive or otherwise. And in the workplace, that’s just not the greatest attribute to have. I’d like to look as outwardly unaffected as if we were talking about medicare advantage or the weather, but I just don’t find that possible. I made a valiant effort the last time my boss called me into his office, and I made it for awhile… but the longer the meeting went, the harder it was to stay calm. One tear slipped out, he saw it and said “Oh, no don’t do that” and there was no staying composed after that. The fact that he gets really uncomfortable with the sight of tears just underscores the necessity to stay composed.

If anybody has some suggestions as to how to grow a thicker skin, and to stop taking things so personally, I’d love to hear them. I’ve got this on my mind today because some comments were made earlier that managed to get under my skin, and I’m trying not to let it bother me. Especially since it only started out serious, and now he’s just pushing the point because he saw that it got to me and he thinks it’s funny to push my buttons.