Footprints on the Moon

I’m officially skipping out on the rest of the Reverb10 prompts. I knew when I started them that it would probably end up that way. But with all of the prompts save one available now, I’ve looked them over and decided I don’t really want to write about all of those things. I’ll be repeating myself over and over again, and I’d be writing about 2010 well into the new year which I don’t want to do either. So there’s that. I may fill out one of those end of the year surveys that tend to go around, but for the most part, I’m ready to quit reflecting on 2010 and start looking forward to 2011.

Like most people, I feel like 2011 is going to be a year of change. Not so much resolutions and huge changes, but subtly changing as I move forward. Continuing on with the weight loss journey I started last spring. Continuing on this derby journey and trying to grow in my abilities as a skater and a player. Maybe looking for a new job if I can ever find anything out there besides accounting finance jobs and $7 per hour offers for $15 per hour work. Cultivating the new friendships I’ve created. Maybe trying to not curse like a sailor so much (not bloody likely).

Be happy. Cause that’s all anyone wants out of 2011, I think.

Well, have you finished your Christmas shopping or are you one of the stragglers out doing some last minute browsing? I didn’t get my own shopping done until Wednesday after work! And let me tell you, I definitely remember why I have tried to finish my Christmas shopping as close to Thanksgiving as possible during the last few years. I don’t do well with crowds, especially a bunch of rude ones like the ones I ran into on Wednesday! Next year, I think I’ll try to save up a couple of vacation days to use the week before Christmas. At least that way, if I run into a similarly scheduled December, I will have a bit of a breather!

In any case, I’m glad I’m done present buying for awhile. I think the next one is going to be Killian’s birthday in February. My mom’s birthday is before that (January 2nd), but I don’t have to buy any loving birthday gifts for her this year. Last spring, I gave her my iPod nano because I hadn’t used it since I got my phone. We agreed that it would be for her next Mother’s Day and birthday present. Works for me!

Whether you are last minute shopping or not, I hope you enjoy the holiday with your families! Be safe.

December 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

I can, have, and will continue to say until I’m blue in the face if I have to: Joining SBRG to play roller derby is the best decision I could have made this year.

I could go on again about the amazing people that are in my life now, the changes I’ve seen this year, all those things I’ve said over and over again… instead, I will leave you this quote. It’s from the book Going in Circles. I read this over the summer, and I’ve had this quote in a draft called “roller derby” ever since. I’ll probably never get that post written… there’s too much to say, and I can’t find the words.

“The rules of the track work well for life. Roller derby is life in a tiny circle. You can only go forward, even if you find yourself turned around, facing the wrong way. There’s speed, unpredictability, and danger. You can’t be sure what’s going to happen, you don’t always know when you’ll stop, and it appears most people are out to get you. You will fall. You will get hurt.
But you will get up again.
Look, what’s the worst thing that could happen? Anything that hurts eventually heals. You get back up. You keep going. You get stronger. You get better. Life goes on. That’s it.”
- Going in Circles, Pamela Ribon

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

This one seems like a bit of a “gimme.” Obviously, the community I discovered this year is the one I found in my roller derby league. It’s a beautifully different community because it is filled with beautifully different people. Roller derby seems like a place for all the misfits, outcasts, never felt like they had a place anywhere folks to have a home. It’s a group of girls who have come together and realized that they can get along with other women. Who are overcoming self esteem and anxiety issues. Who are learning that they are beautiful, and lovable. And not just lovable– they ARE loved.

You would have to know me in person, and spend a lot of time with me, to really be able to appreciate the changes in me since I started this thing 8 months ago. Obviously there have been physical changes that anyone can see, but there has also been mental and emotional growth. It’s hard to put into words, but I guess one way to put it is that I’ve blossomed. I’m happier than I was before, for one. I’m learning to accept myself, learning to let other people in. That’s the great thing about a sport like this… there is room for everyone. I might not be great at everything, but there are certain areas where I excel that fill in the gaps where other people struggle. Every single one of us is different, but we’re so similar too. It’s beautiful.

Actually I’m going to cheat and throw the next one in here too:

December 9 – Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

Every social gathering with the ladies I was talking about above rocks my socks off. Whether it’s our first BBQ, a “wellness” party or our Christmas party… it’s always a good time. As far as the shenanigans… I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. You’ll just have to bribe the person with the pictures.

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

It’s not technically the last thing I made, just one of the more recent projects I’ve been working on. The very last thing I made is a Christmas present, and while I don’t think this person even knows about my blog, you never know who could be reading.

So you get this… I think most of you will recognize it right away. For those of you who need a little help, it’s a scarf that is made to look like a piranha plant coming out of a pipe from Nintendo’s Super Mario Bros. One of the derby coaches posted a picture of one on her facebook, and I rose to the challenge of figuring out how to create one.

It definitely works out for me too… My boss saw it, and asked me to make a couple for his daughters for Christmas. Boom, $50 in my pocket. And now, I get to make another one in exchange for a massage… and lovely, lovely massage that I have been desperately needing but unable to afford. SWEET.

Well, I never got around to taking a self-portrait this weekend, so you get this kind of unflattering shot of me from Friday night. This was when I made a short appearance at the derby Christmas party before I had to head out to work… hence the uniform. Something made me laugh just before the picture was taken… hence the double-chin. But I share the picture anyway because it represents a bright moment in a really rough day.

Friday was one of those days where all you want to do is go home, hop in a jacuzzi with an adult beverage, and ignore the world. Unfortunately, that was not going to be possible (not least because I don’t actually know anyone with a jacuzzi) because I was over scheduled. I worked first and third shift on Friday, with a small nap and a short derby party appearance in between. Add onto that an abundance of scheduled for the following week… work, meetings, derby, family obligations, etc. I was one stressed out cookie. By about 9am, I was in the bathroom at work crying. For no good reason at all, really. But it did release some of that pent-up stress. Heading out to see my girls, even if only for an hour, helped a whole lot more.

Doesn’t make the rest of this week any less hectic, but I am at least slightly less stressed about it. I also came to the realization that something had to give, and this year, that’s the baking. I made a batch of Scrabble on Saturday and that will likely be the extent of it. There is always more than enough cookies for 3 times the number of people than we have, so I don’t see any need to overwhelm myself just to add to it. There is plenty of time for baking cookies after the holidays when I’m less busy. And next year? I think I’ll try and plan ahead so that I have some vacation days to take the week before Christmas.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

I’ve kind of alluded to this one a couple times in the past few months, but I’ve never really told the story. I’m still not really going to tell the story. Exactly what happened isn’t important… what it comes down to is this: Around the beginning of June, some things came to light that made it very clear that some people that I thought were good friends were really not good friends at all. And maybe hadn’t been for awhile. I was kind of blindsided by it all, and obviously, I was pretty hurt.

Here’s the thing though. I believe that you have to populate your world with people that are supportive of you… I’ve heard a couple of analogies for this. Who is on your island… Who sits in the front row of your theater… Who is in your living room, and who is out in one of the metal buildings on the far side of your property… I think you get the point.

Anyway, I decided a few years ago that I was going to decide how people were allowed to treat me. And if people chose to treat me in ways that were not acceptable, then I would have to choose where to go next, if they would be allowed in my living room, so to speak. In this case, that meant walking away from friendships that used to be very important to me. It seems very casual and easy to just write this and put it out there, but don’t misunderstand me. It was very difficult, but it was what was right for me at the time and I don’t have any regrets. Except for maybe not figuring out the backstabbing a bit sooner.

In the end, it has all worked out fairly well… because also in the beginning of June, SBRG officially formed and I was surrounded by a group of really amazing, supportive girls. Who needs a friend who is not a friend when you have 40 girls like these in your life?

I’m going to cheat a little bit and throw a couple prompts up in the same post.

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

The first thing that came to mind was something I’ve already covered on this blog… when I finally managed to land a jump on skates that had me scared for a long time. (Well, it still scares me, but I DID it, so there lol) Feels like cheating to use this again, but the only other thing that comes to mind is more “content” than “alive”. Besides, roller derby consumed a lot of my life the vast majority of the year, so I imagine it will be featured a lot in this list.

December 4 – Wonder.How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

I’d have to say the biggest source of wonder in my life is usually my nephew, Killian! I can’t believe he’s almost 4 already. And when did he get big enough to play with an iphone or ipod touch? He loves this stupid talking cat app on my mom’s phone. He’s wicked smart, he’s funny, and he’s darn cute! And the things that come out of his mouth! It’s definitely been an awesome few years watching him discover the world.

Just a real quick post and then I’m off to bed, I just couldn’t resist. BECAUSE… This is the face of a woman who has lost 50 pounds!

That’s right, this morning, I officially hit the fifty pound weightloss mark. 50.4, to be exact. Hitting this milestone also means hitting another one– I’m also officially back under 200lbs! Woohoo

Day two of the Reverb10 project is about writing.

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

Honestly, most of the things I do during my day don’t contribute to my writing. I’m more likely to make time for sirius radio than writing… it’s just not a priority right now. I mean, I blog occasionally, but that’s pretty much it outside of writing incident reports at work. I can’t remember the last time I wrote creatively, or was even motivated to do so.

I read something the other day that basically said if you have you answer the question “Are you a writer?” with the words “Yes, but…” you are really using two words and six letters to say NO. So right now, I am an English major. I’m an occasional blogger. I am a Facebook status updater. But I am not a writer.