Roller Derby is a Bad Boyfriend
Honestly, I’ve been debating whether to write this or not. Time stretches longer and longer between updates on this blog, and a lot of the reason is because most of my life outside of work centers around derby. And to be honest, I become more and more disillusioned with derby as the days go by. It feels like roller derby is a bad boyfriend. You know the one I’m talking about– he uses you, and doesn’t treat you all that well when you really think about it, but you love him and you remember how good things used to be so you stay anyway. Yeah… it’s kind of like that.
It’s a little weird to talk about. I usually confide in a few trusted people and outwardly pretend like everything is fine. But that’s not very genuine (or Jennuine) and anyone who knows me knows that I just don’t have it in me to fake it for very long. I’ve hit that wall, and so here it is: I’m not happy. It started with a lot of people– my support system– leaving the league for various reasons because they were unhappy. Its culminated in not being even rostered as an alternate for the only two bouts this season that I have been eligible. I’m hurt, I’m frustrated, and I don’t understand what the hell I’m doing wrong.
I wish I could wrap this all up with a nice sunshiny, happy conclusion, but I don’t have one. I wrote this whole post while mopping up huge crocodile tears. I wish I knew what to do. I am not ready to give this thing up, but I’ve also had way more “why the hell do I bother?” moments lately than I’m comfortable with. And I don’t know how to fix it.
January 18th, 2012 at 12:34 am
You’ll figure it out. Writing about it honestly is a huge first step. Hang in there. And blogging sometimes – just when you need to – is far better than not blogging at all.
January 25th, 2012 at 10:03 pm
Ya know, I totally understand how you feel. Our league was brand new when I started and I dove in head first. I was so excited and giddy about the whole prospect of being part of something amazing. I skated for two years and during that time, I was more than willing to do anything to help us succeed. Simply put, the derby monster ate my life and I didn’t mind.
Toward the end of last season, I was dealing with an injury with no end in sight. It gave me an opportunity to take a step back and see things from another perspective. I fell out of love with derby as quickly as I fell in.
As a result, I’ve decided to take this year off to reconnect with my life, family and friends outside of derby. And you know what, it’s not so bad. The true friends I made through this sport still remain. The only thing I truly miss now are the workouts!
Granted, everyone’s situation is different but I wanted to let you know that it’s ok to feel this way. I know it’s hard to admit these feelings especially to other skaters who are so “gung-ho” with derby. In the end, I’m sure you’ll find your way
May 2nd, 2012 at 10:27 am
[...] last we talked about that roller derby thing, I was expressing some dissatisfaction about how my journey was going. I received a lot of great support after sharing that particular [...]