Footprints on the Moon

I don’t really believe in resolutions… I think more often than not, making a resolution is just setting yourself up for failure. That being said, I do have goals that I am working on, and a new year, when everyone is making resolutions for improvement, does seem like a fitting time to post about them.

In no particular order, the things that have been on my mind and/or I have already been working towards are the following:

Get My Weight Back on Track

In 2010/2011, I lost quite a bit of weight. Then I hit a plauteau, got frustrated, and stop working any kind of plan. Slowly but surely, the weight started creeping back on. Compound that with several injuries, and a new job that has kept me from getting much exercise for the second half of last year and I’ve put at least half of the previously shed weight back on.

As some additional motivation to attempting to get back on track, I joined a DietBet game. I was able to buy in for $20, and at the end of the four weeks, anyone who has lost 4% of their starting weight (verified by pictures), gets to split the pot. Right now, the entire pot is nearly $8000. Hopefully it helps… it’s certainly making me think really hard about the ice cream that I’d really like to get when I get off work!

Pay Down Debt

Paying down debt has been a constant for me for several years. I’ve had several setbacks, such as last August’s gall bladder surgery, that have pushed me in the wrong direction. However, thanks to my new job, with a slightly higher salary, I’m finally set to really start pushing forward on this again rather than simply attempting (or failing) to stay above water. I worked some OT over the Christmas holiday (16 hours on Christmas Day), so when that paycheck arrives, it should go a long way towards paying off the next debt in line. My probationary status expires at the beginning of February, and with that will come a bump up to full salary. I’ve been at salary less 15% since I started. I’m looking forward to gaining some traction and getting on a better track, financially.

Make Difficult Roller Derby Decisions

I’m in a tricky spot with this one, where the decision I ought to make isn’t necessarily the one I want to make… Ever since being released from training, I’m on a shift that doesn’t play nice with roller derby practice. I’m not able to be there for at least half of the practices in a month. I can’t devote the time that I need to to play… I’ve been considering switching to Officiating roller derby instead of playing. It’s something that I also could not dedicated quite enough time to, but is a better fit for the time that I have available. It just feels like unfinished business. I wasn’t ready to stop playing. It just seems like it’s the only realistic option I have right now… I’ve just been, so far, unwilling to make it official.

Start Finishing Unfinished Crochet Projects

And on a lighter note… the last goal I’m going to work on will be finishing unfinished crochet projects! I’m working on finishing a couple of baby blankets for pregnant coworkers, but then I want to start clearing out some of the projects in my closet that have been loitering in various stages finishedness… I found photographic evidence in my Flickr account that one such blanket (whose previous intended owner is now 4?) was started in 2007. And an afghan I started for myself in 2008. Yikes. Will 2013 be the year that I finally start clearing out the backlog? (Probably not.)

On the theme of change: My brand new haircut, before and after.

Several weeks ago, I got a text from my mother that said, basically, “So did your blog just up and die?”

Oops.

My response was, “Well, kind of.” Not intentionally… but things happen. Life has a tendency of getting in its own way. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times– I didn’t really feel like I had much to talk about. There was roller derby, and work which was making me miserable. I felt like anything I had to say would be the same thing over and over again. So I’d open the blog, stare at the blinking cursor for awhile, and then close it again. I did attempt to type out an update the day that Mom asked me about my blog, but I was on my phone and the WordPress app barfed and ate everything I’d so painstakingly pecked out, and I just couldn’t be bothered to do it again.

So here’s the deal… life was miserable there for awhile. I didn’t want to talk about it because there were some vindictive people in my life who had previously taken something I’d written and attempted to forward it to my supervisor. I didn’t want to risk that happening again because people are petty and childish. Now, however, I will freely tell you that my boss was the stupidest person I have ever met in my whole life, and I say that completely straight faced without a hint of exaggeration. I completely dreaded going to work every day to have to deal with her. Luckily, in June I recevied a phone call asking if I was still interested in a job that I had applied for several months earlier.

Of course, the answer was YES! I interviewed, and then waited three LONG painful weeks to hear back. I got the job! Immediately I turned in my two week’s notice, and worked my final day with the security company on July 31st. I am now in the midst of training as an emergency dispatcher, and so far I am loving it! Partially just because I am off the sinking ship that was that security account, and partially because I think I will really enjoy this job. I have a LOT to learn, and I’m working on it… my trainer says I’m doing really well at learning everything quickly, and she thinks I will have NO problems completing my training and doing this on my own. Honestly, the significant pay raise and benefits is just icing on the cake!

I turned 29 today, and I couldn’t be more optimistic about the way things are going. Change is good. Life is good.

Are you ready to say goodbye to 2011? I know I am. It’s been a rough year for those close to me, and I think many people will breathe a sigh of relief to see it go. Of course the year couldn’t go without taking one more swing at me… I woke up with a sore throat. It’s actually not too bad at the moment, thankfully, but since I don’t know what’s causing it, I don’t want to head out and share my germs with my friends and family on the chance that it might be contagious. So what you see pictured up above is how I’m spending my new year’s eve. Even though I had invites to two great looking parties, one with friends and one with family, I’m on the couch with the kitties, movies, amaretto and Chipotle. Not the worst way to spend the evening, sure, but not exactly what I had in mind.

I think the end of November/beginning of December for me can be summed up with one word: tired.

I took the picture up top at 4:13am… on Wednesday morning, when I’d gone to bed at 12:30am. I woke up from a nightmare a little before 4 and had a hard time going back to sleep after that. In fact, I don’t think I did anything more than doze on and off until my alarm went off at 5:30am.

These were my kitties while I was waiting for an online meeting to start last night. I wanted desperately to join them!

Even as exhausted as I was after being up all day on 3-3.5 hours of sleep, I still had a hard time falling asleep last night, and was awake and unable to fall back asleep a little after 4! I was up before 5am playing games on Facebook when I would have much rather been sleeping.

Hopefully I’ll be able to get a good nap in after work tonight because today is our public scrimmage and exhaustion is just not acceptable until it’s over!

Happy Thanksgiving from me, Pudge, and Lucy! I hope you are spending the holiday exactly as you want to. I would say I hope you have a wonderful day with your families, but I know there are plenty of people who DON’T want that As for me, I’m stuck at work until 3pm and then I’m off to join part of my family for a Thanksgiving dinner already in progress. So whether you are spending the day with family, by yourself, at work, or sitting in line somewhere with your walmart coupons waiting for Black Friday deals to start, I hope you are exactly where you want to be.

I know I’m supposed to post a list of all the things I’m thankful for, but the list is too long. I’m thankful I still have a job to be stuck at today. I’m thankful for friends and family. My furry babies. And and and. Sometimes life is hard, but it’s nice to spend one day realizing how much you have in your life that is amazing.

My dad moved to Oklahoma last weekend, so I didn’t get to spend the day with him today. Still, in honor of the occasion, here is a picture of the two of us when I graduated college 6 years ago!

I had a good and busy weekend! Friday I called my dad’s mom and asked her what she was doing for dinner, so we headed to Texas Roadhouse. Mmm…

Saturday morning, I got up and decided to join some of the derby girls at the rink for lessons. After a snack and a shower, some of us headed north to Kalamazoo to watch the Killamazoo Derby Darlins take on the Naptown Warning Belles. It was a super exciting bout, and a good time was had by all!

This morning was a scrimmage practice and it kicked my booty! We tend to have a lower attendance on Sundays so we do very short scrimmages, if any at all. But we had a very experienced ref from another league in town so we scrimmaged pretty much the whole practice. We were playing 8 on 8, so there were not very many opportunities to rest! I left there and went to Chipotle to grab lunch… and I had to try twice to open the door to the restaurant because I was so tired and the door was heavier than I expected! lol No need for panic drug treatment centers, it was just me being plain old WORN OUT.

I was pretty useless for the rest of the day… I did get a load of laundry done (it was a desperate situation), and made chicken salad for lunches this week, but mostly I’ve lounged on the couch all day watching Dexter. And I called my daddy to say Happy Father’s Day, of course!

I’m officially skipping out on the rest of the Reverb10 prompts. I knew when I started them that it would probably end up that way. But with all of the prompts save one available now, I’ve looked them over and decided I don’t really want to write about all of those things. I’ll be repeating myself over and over again, and I’d be writing about 2010 well into the new year which I don’t want to do either. So there’s that. I may fill out one of those end of the year surveys that tend to go around, but for the most part, I’m ready to quit reflecting on 2010 and start looking forward to 2011.

Like most people, I feel like 2011 is going to be a year of change. Not so much resolutions and huge changes, but subtly changing as I move forward. Continuing on with the weight loss journey I started last spring. Continuing on this derby journey and trying to grow in my abilities as a skater and a player. Maybe looking for a new job if I can ever find anything out there besides accounting finance jobs and $7 per hour offers for $15 per hour work. Cultivating the new friendships I’ve created. Maybe trying to not curse like a sailor so much (not bloody likely).

Be happy. Cause that’s all anyone wants out of 2011, I think.

So I found out about Reverb10 which is to “reflect on this year and manifest what’s next.” They actually started on the first of the month with the intention of posting every day in the month of December. Obviously I’m getting started a week behind, but I’m going to try and finish all of the prompts… no word on whether it will take me until next Valentine’s day to complete it or not.

The first prompt is to choose one word that encapsulates 2010 for you. Now this might sound familiar… and it should. Because back in January, I chose one word to set my intention for the year. That word was

Courage. What I wrote then was “I think COURAGE also encompasses all the other words I considered. The courage to accept myself. The courage to love myself and others. The courage to forgive. The courage to seek and find peace.”

Wow… did I have a crystal ball or what? Well, not really. I set my word as courage, and promptly forgot about it. I sure didn’t meditate on the word, or make my daily choices with courage in mind. But looking back on the past year, courage sure seems to fit.

Courage to embark on a new weight loss plan and believe it was going to be different this time. (To the tune of more than 48 lbs so far.)

Courage to say goodbye to people who I thought were good friends but turned out to be not quite that.

Courage to step out of my comfort zone and try something new even though I was scared out of my mind.

Courage to go back and keep trying, even when I was discouraged.

Courage to let in and love the amazing women that I met.

Courage to keep doing all those things, making those hard decisions, doing what’s right for me even when it’s difficult and other people don’t like it. Day after day after day…

I may not have consciously lived 2010 with the intention of courage, but I think it sure worked out that way!

I usually do a better job of explaining my whole weekend when I put up Self Portrait Sunday posts… cause this week, I completely neglected one of the most important parts! Killian!

I picked Sarah up after she got off work on Friday, and we headed across town to go hang out with my brother and my nephew. I tell you what, you don’t need to know about diet pills that work when you’re hanging out with that kid… he never stops moving! He’ll give you a workout by treating you like a jungle gym even if you don’t get up and chase him around!

He helped me color a picture… (I bet you can’t figure out which part he colored!)

And then he drew me a picture of myself!

I never knew how much I looked like a banana…

Since I got home from work yesterday afternoon, I haven’t done much that’s productive. I did carry out the trash but that’s about it. I filled up the sink to do the dishes, but decided to let them “soak” and yeah… the dishes are still dirty.

What I have done is sleep. My sinuses have been threatening me all week long, and I was left with no choice but to take a Benadryl at work on Friday. So I came home, and crashed on the couch. Then I moved from the couch to the bedroom to have a real nap. I got up for a few hours, and then went back to bed. This morning, I got up for a few hours and then ended up curling up in bed with a book. And you got it… after about half an hour, I shut off the light and took a 2 hour nap! Now it’s only 9pm and I’m already yawning and considering bed again. That’s what weekends are for, right? Sleep?