Footprints on the Moon

Are you ready to say goodbye to 2011? I know I am. It’s been a rough year for those close to me, and I think many people will breathe a sigh of relief to see it go. Of course the year couldn’t go without taking one more swing at me… I woke up with a sore throat. It’s actually not too bad at the moment, thankfully, but since I don’t know what’s causing it, I don’t want to head out and share my germs with my friends and family on the chance that it might be contagious. So what you see pictured up above is how I’m spending my new year’s eve. Even though I had invites to two great looking parties, one with friends and one with family, I’m on the couch with the kitties, movies, amaretto and Chipotle. Not the worst way to spend the evening, sure, but not exactly what I had in mind.

I think the end of November/beginning of December for me can be summed up with one word: tired.

I took the picture up top at 4:13am… on Wednesday morning, when I’d gone to bed at 12:30am. I woke up from a nightmare a little before 4 and had a hard time going back to sleep after that. In fact, I don’t think I did anything more than doze on and off until my alarm went off at 5:30am.

These were my kitties while I was waiting for an online meeting to start last night. I wanted desperately to join them!

Even as exhausted as I was after being up all day on 3-3.5 hours of sleep, I still had a hard time falling asleep last night, and was awake and unable to fall back asleep a little after 4! I was up before 5am playing games on Facebook when I would have much rather been sleeping.

Hopefully I’ll be able to get a good nap in after work tonight because today is our public scrimmage and exhaustion is just not acceptable until it’s over!

Happy Thanksgiving from me, Pudge, and Lucy! I hope you are spending the holiday exactly as you want to. I would say I hope you have a wonderful day with your families, but I know there are plenty of people who DON’T want that As for me, I’m stuck at work until 3pm and then I’m off to join part of my family for a Thanksgiving dinner already in progress. So whether you are spending the day with family, by yourself, at work, or sitting in line somewhere with your walmart coupons waiting for Black Friday deals to start, I hope you are exactly where you want to be.

I know I’m supposed to post a list of all the things I’m thankful for, but the list is too long. I’m thankful I still have a job to be stuck at today. I’m thankful for friends and family. My furry babies. And and and. Sometimes life is hard, but it’s nice to spend one day realizing how much you have in your life that is amazing.

My dad moved to Oklahoma last weekend, so I didn’t get to spend the day with him today. Still, in honor of the occasion, here is a picture of the two of us when I graduated college 6 years ago!

I had a good and busy weekend! Friday I called my dad’s mom and asked her what she was doing for dinner, so we headed to Texas Roadhouse. Mmm…

Saturday morning, I got up and decided to join some of the derby girls at the rink for lessons. After a snack and a shower, some of us headed north to Kalamazoo to watch the Killamazoo Derby Darlins take on the Naptown Warning Belles. It was a super exciting bout, and a good time was had by all!

This morning was a scrimmage practice and it kicked my booty! We tend to have a lower attendance on Sundays so we do very short scrimmages, if any at all. But we had a very experienced ref from another league in town so we scrimmaged pretty much the whole practice. We were playing 8 on 8, so there were not very many opportunities to rest! I left there and went to Chipotle to grab lunch… and I had to try twice to open the door to the restaurant because I was so tired and the door was heavier than I expected! lol No need for panic drug treatment centers, it was just me being plain old WORN OUT.

I was pretty useless for the rest of the day… I did get a load of laundry done (it was a desperate situation), and made chicken salad for lunches this week, but mostly I’ve lounged on the couch all day watching Dexter. And I called my daddy to say Happy Father’s Day, of course!

I’m officially skipping out on the rest of the Reverb10 prompts. I knew when I started them that it would probably end up that way. But with all of the prompts save one available now, I’ve looked them over and decided I don’t really want to write about all of those things. I’ll be repeating myself over and over again, and I’d be writing about 2010 well into the new year which I don’t want to do either. So there’s that. I may fill out one of those end of the year surveys that tend to go around, but for the most part, I’m ready to quit reflecting on 2010 and start looking forward to 2011.

Like most people, I feel like 2011 is going to be a year of change. Not so much resolutions and huge changes, but subtly changing as I move forward. Continuing on with the weight loss journey I started last spring. Continuing on this derby journey and trying to grow in my abilities as a skater and a player. Maybe looking for a new job if I can ever find anything out there besides accounting finance jobs and $7 per hour offers for $15 per hour work. Cultivating the new friendships I’ve created. Maybe trying to not curse like a sailor so much (not bloody likely).

Be happy. Cause that’s all anyone wants out of 2011, I think.

So I found out about Reverb10 which is to “reflect on this year and manifest what’s next.” They actually started on the first of the month with the intention of posting every day in the month of December. Obviously I’m getting started a week behind, but I’m going to try and finish all of the prompts… no word on whether it will take me until next Valentine’s day to complete it or not.

The first prompt is to choose one word that encapsulates 2010 for you. Now this might sound familiar… and it should. Because back in January, I chose one word to set my intention for the year. That word was

Courage. What I wrote then was “I think COURAGE also encompasses all the other words I considered. The courage to accept myself. The courage to love myself and others. The courage to forgive. The courage to seek and find peace.”

Wow… did I have a crystal ball or what? Well, not really. I set my word as courage, and promptly forgot about it. I sure didn’t meditate on the word, or make my daily choices with courage in mind. But looking back on the past year, courage sure seems to fit.

Courage to embark on a new weight loss plan and believe it was going to be different this time. (To the tune of more than 48 lbs so far.)

Courage to say goodbye to people who I thought were good friends but turned out to be not quite that.

Courage to step out of my comfort zone and try something new even though I was scared out of my mind.

Courage to go back and keep trying, even when I was discouraged.

Courage to let in and love the amazing women that I met.

Courage to keep doing all those things, making those hard decisions, doing what’s right for me even when it’s difficult and other people don’t like it. Day after day after day…

I may not have consciously lived 2010 with the intention of courage, but I think it sure worked out that way!

I usually do a better job of explaining my whole weekend when I put up Self Portrait Sunday posts… cause this week, I completely neglected one of the most important parts! Killian!

I picked Sarah up after she got off work on Friday, and we headed across town to go hang out with my brother and my nephew. I tell you what, you don’t need to know about diet pills that work when you’re hanging out with that kid… he never stops moving! He’ll give you a workout by treating you like a jungle gym even if you don’t get up and chase him around!

He helped me color a picture… (I bet you can’t figure out which part he colored!)

And then he drew me a picture of myself!

I never knew how much I looked like a banana…

Since I got home from work yesterday afternoon, I haven’t done much that’s productive. I did carry out the trash but that’s about it. I filled up the sink to do the dishes, but decided to let them “soak” and yeah… the dishes are still dirty.

What I have done is sleep. My sinuses have been threatening me all week long, and I was left with no choice but to take a Benadryl at work on Friday. So I came home, and crashed on the couch. Then I moved from the couch to the bedroom to have a real nap. I got up for a few hours, and then went back to bed. This morning, I got up for a few hours and then ended up curling up in bed with a book. And you got it… after about half an hour, I shut off the light and took a 2 hour nap! Now it’s only 9pm and I’m already yawning and considering bed again. That’s what weekends are for, right? Sleep?

I’m not a big fan of resolutions… I tend to look at them as just setting yourself up for failure. I’ve made anti-resolutions, and last year I made financial goals, but those were more of an extension of a process that had started a year before than resolutions. Sure, I could make an arbitrary list: lose weight, break in some Eagle Creek luggage by traveling more, curse less, whatever… that would just be setting me up to feel bad about myself in a week or two (okay, tomorrow) when I call someone a foul name after they cut me off in traffic.

Sometime after the beginning of last year though, I ran across the idea of a one word resolution. To choose one word to set your intention for the year. I really liked the idea of that. No list of specific goals to meet (or not meet), just one word… one intention… one thing I would like to see in my year. A word to meditate on as I make decisions. Now, that I can do.

So I started thinking about what words would be a good fit for this year. I considered LOVE… FORGIVENESS… ACCEPTANCE…

I lingered for a long time on PEACE.

I’m currently thinking COURAGE is the word that I’m going to choose for this year.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” -Mary Anne Radmacher

I think COURAGE also encompasses all the other words I considered. The courage to accept myself. The courage to love myself and others. The courage to forgive. The courage to seek and find peace.

In the end, I don’t know what choosing this word will mean for the coming year, but it can’t hurt. Courage in 2010, maybe with a little bit of Peace mixed in on the side.

It is pretty much a requirement to post what you are thankful for on Thanksgiving if you have a blog, so I thought I would come over here and do that before I go to bed in just a few minutes. I have to be honest and say that there’s a large part of me that is bitter, cynical, jaded and probably more than a bit depressed that is entirely ungrateful. But the rest of me is smart enough to look around and realize how ridiculously blessed I am every day. I’m thankful for many things in my life.

… my family. They’re weird, and quirky, and wonderful.

… my friends. I don’t have a large group of friends that live in the area, but the ones I have here are awesome.

… the internet. It keeps me in touch with friends that aren’t in the area, and has allowed me to meet AMAZING people all across the country and the world. People who have been some of the greatest friends I’ve ever had, wonderful support during dark times, and people who rejoice with me when times are good.

… my job. Sure, I don’t like it so much when I’m trying to drag myself out of a warm bed at five o’clock in the morning, but especially these days, I have to be thankful for the simple fact that I have a job. I can pay my bills, and keep a roof over my head, and that’s always a good thing.

So thank you. To all of you. You’re wonderful. I’m blessed. And if you don’t mind, I’m going to go to bed, and wake up tomorrow morning the same cynical person I’ve always been.